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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29705799">too tired to cope</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/martialartist816/pseuds/martialartist816'>martialartist816</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Levi's self-deprecating inner monologue, M/M, One-Sided Armin Arlert/Eren Yeager, Past Levi/Erwin Smith, bottom!levi, for obvious reasons, pity sex except they're both being pitied, porn with feelings but they're sad feelings, top!armin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 17:08:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,599</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29705799</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/martialartist816/pseuds/martialartist816</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi and Armin can't escape the heavy things placed in their hands, but maybe they can carry each other's for a moment.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Levi Ackerman/Armin Arlert</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>81</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>AOT fanfics, Rivarmin favorites</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>too tired to cope</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>title from <a href="https://open.spotify.com/track/37sTfpgxnxsN4AcYQf37sQ?si=-vhGrkR_RwOVhV8czZZfcw">delicate</a> by scott quinn</p>
<p><b>some warnings:</b> Erwin’s death is mentioned a lot, and Levi is still grieving. Armin talks about his willingness to sacrifice Eren to end the war, no matter how much he loves him. Levi refers to Armin as “the kid,” but he is very much his post-time-skip age.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s been four years, but Levi still goes to Erwin’s old room sometimes. Always on accident. He used to walk the path so often that his shoes have carved a trench in the wood floors, and they’re deep enough to get stuck in, deep enough that he never has the energy to pull himself out by the time he realizes he’s caught in the current again. So he follows where his legs take him and turns the corner. His fist closes around the doorknob, and he braces himself.</p>
<p>He never does anything when he’s in here, just standing inside the door and scanning the room with unseeing eyes. Part of him nags that it’s because he hopes he’ll find Erwin there, and it all will have been a dream. The ache in his bones is proof enough that it never is. Most of the time, Levi just thinks that he likes the silence; it lets him think. After he has spent a few minutes there, recharged his energy, he always slips back out into the hallway hoping no one sees him.</p>
<p>Every time, his mind races with how much he doesn’t want to be in that room again, doesn’t want to feel its emptiness, doesn’t want to see the dust accumulating. Levi would clean it, out of respect for the dead, but he doesn’t because making the space more livable would mean someone else would eventually move in. Even Hange, with their promotion to commander, wouldn’t move into Erwin’s old room. It’s Erwin’s space. They’ve only emptied it of his belongings to redistribute or throw away, so the blankness of the four walls is more fitting for the ghost of him.</p>
<p>Levi doesn’t want to be here, but he’s too tired to take his body off autopilot.</p>
<p>He forgets himself when he pushes the door open. He forgets his fatigue, and he forgets what he’s supposed to be doing. He forgets what year it is.</p>
<p>Erwin is standing next to his desk, a single, small candle burning, illuminating the papers spread across the wood and his golden hair. He’s thinner, the white sleeves of his button-down shirt not filling out like they used to. His wide, blue eyes like the ocean Levi has come to know are fiery like he remembers.</p>
<p>“Captain,” he says, and his voice is too high.</p>
<p>Levi blinks, and Erwin is gone.</p>
<p>In his place is Armin, tall and slender and looking surprised to see him.</p>
<p>“What are you doing in here.” His question comes out as a statement because he doesn’t care what the answer is. The kid can give whatever excuse he wants, and Levi has to face the truth that he doesn’t have an excuse either. There’s no reason for him to be in Erwin’s old room.</p>
<p>Armin looks down toward the desk, his fingers tracing over a loose paper. Levi hasn’t moved from the door, and his hand is still a vice around the knob.</p>
<p>“I need to figure some things out,” Armin says. “I thought… he might be able to help me.”</p>
<p>Levi considers it, watching the candle flame beat and flicker like a heart, then steps all the way into the room and shuts the door behind himself.</p>
<p>Armin is their most brilliant mind. Levi used to think that title went to Erwin, but he’s come to learn the kid possesses characteristics that are more distinctly human, ones that Erwin didn’t have. Armin is compassionate, and he feels guilt. Armin doesn’t want to win the war, he just wants it to be over.</p>
<p>“You give him too much credit,” Levi says. He pushes off where he’s leaning against the door and approaches the desk. “He wouldn’t have known what to do in this situation either. It’s impossible.”</p>
<p>Armin doesn’t look at him when he walks up, but a small, sad smile pulls at his lips. The fire makes the blue of his eyes look almost as yellow as his hair.</p>
<p>“It might be,” he agrees. “But I can’t not at least try. Eren wants to hurt a lot of people, and he thinks they deserve it. Maybe they do. I don’t know. But if there is a way to end this conflict with Marley without making it about revenge, it’s my job to figure it out.”</p>
<p>“Why do you talk about him like that?” Levi asks instead of offering anything insightful. War is war, no matter how violently or peacefully it ends. People have already been dying, and there’s nothing they can do to change that.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“You talk about Eren like you think you can get through to him. Like he’s the same brat who would have murdered me to save your life.”</p>
<p>Armin meets his eyes for a moment, then looks away again. Whatever strings had been pulling his lips up have fallen like they have weights attached to them now.</p>
<p>“I recognize that he might be forgetting how we all started out, why we’re doing this in the first place, but…”</p>
<p>“But you have to try,” Levi fills in. He sighs. “I get it.”</p>
<p>“Captain…?”</p>
<p>“What.”</p>
<p>Now it’s Levi who isn’t looking at him. The room smells overwhelmingly like dust and disuse. It hurts to be in here with another person just as much as it does when he’s alone, wishing he could float above the floor so as to not disturb the boards beneath his feet. Even with the heat of the candle and the warm body standing on the other side of the desk, it’s cold.</p>
<p>“Why did you come here?”</p>
<p>There’s no judgement in Armin’s voice, but Levi feels the shame creep up on him anyway.</p>
<p>“I wanted to be alone,” he says automatically.</p>
<p>It’s fickle, and Armin is too smart to believe him.</p>
<p>“He was important to you. I understand,” Armin says gently, and Levi bites down his response of <em> how could you possibly? </em> When he doesn’t say anything at all, Armin moves. He places the candle closer to Levi to free up space on the desk, and he stacks his strategy notes into a pile, tapping them on their ends to make them line up. “I understand why you chose me, in the end.”</p>
<p>It takes Levi a moment to realize Armin is talking about that day, four years ago, on that roof. That day when so many fucking things happened at once, they learned too much about the world all at once, and all Levi can picture clearly is the watery image of Erwin’s face, his slack mouth. Everything else happened in his peripherals.</p>
<p>“Because Eren would have sliced me open if I didn’t,” Levi answers gracelessly.</p>
<p>He knows Armin doesn’t buy it when they meet eyes. The kid looks sad, but worse than that, he looks like he can see right through Levi. There’s an empathy in his expression that’s so potent it’s scary.</p>
<p>“If it was between the commander and Eren, and I was holding that needle, I would have chosen the commander. Not because I think one would have been a better use for humanity than the other, but because Eren has grown out of his ideals of being a savior. He’s a threat now, and I love him too much to let him become what he wants to become.”</p>
<p>Armin’s words exhume a train of thought that Levi didn’t even remember having when he stood over those two bodies. He was willing to let Erwin go because he didn’t want Erwin to live with the burden of all the lives he’d taken on his shoulders. He’d already wreaked his damage, and if he lived longer, he would have sent more Scouts to the grave. Watching him die was a mercy, both to Erwin and to their fellow soldiers.</p>
<p>“You think it will come to that?” Levi asks, his voice going as quiet at the little flame between them.</p>
<p>“I hope it doesn’t, but I can’t pretend it might not,” Armin responds.</p>
<p>“You sound just like him.” Levi almost smiles; the resemblance is uncanny. He’d rather smile than be crushed under his own grief again.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>Levi doesn’t know what the kid is apologizing for, but it sounds heavy. Levi is so tired. He wants to unload everything on his shoulders, he wants to let go, and he wants to forget. He doesn’t entertain the hope that he could ever move on, because moving on means acknowledging some kind of defeat. Levi has so much experience with loss that one more might just kill him.</p>
<p>“Do you also want to be alone?” Levi asks.</p>
<p>“Not really,” Armin admits, and he’s quick to add, “But I can go now if—”</p>
<p>“Stay.” It comes out more like a question than a statement, and much more fragile than Levi could cope with if he didn’t feel Armin’s potential to chip through his vulnerabilities like Erwin had been able to.</p>
<p>Armin rounds to the other side of the desk, coming to stand next to Levi. He’s not so tall that Levi has to tip his head back to see his face, but he does angle his chin. Armin searches his eyes when they meet, as if he’s looking for permission or resistance. Levi can’t stand it, the way Armin looks at him like he cares about him.</p>
<p>“Captain…”</p>
<p>“Just Levi. For tonight.” If Armin is helping him let go tonight, then fuck it, he’s letting <em> it all </em> go.</p>
<p>“Levi,” Armin breathes, testing it out in his mouth. His breath has a clean smell that Levi appreciates. His lips are nice, still plump with youth, but Levi won’t let himself indulge in anything nice.</p>
<p>When he reaches up to loosen his cravat, Armin’s hands come up to undo the buckle that crosses right over Levi’s heart. It’s all slow, at first. The straps are their own obstacle to get over, forcing them to take their time and untangle themselves like vines. The silver buckles sound heavy when Armin sets them on the desk, and they glint in the light. As Armin pulls the hem of Levi’s shirt free from its tuck, Levi lifts the candle and blows it out. They don’t need to see. After that, his shirt is pulled over his head.</p>
<p>He returns the favor for Armin, ridding him of the things that constrict around their muscles and help them fly. He’s busy undoing the line of buttons on Armin’s shirt when a hand cups between his legs. Levi has to force the moan back down his throat before it can make it out of him. Instantly, he realizes how long it’s been since he has touched and been touched, since he has felt good. Armin’s shirt falls open, and Levi clutches the sides of it as the hand works him to hardness in his pants. He catches himself rocking into Armin’s palm, and then he forces himself backward to drag the kid away from the desk.</p>
<p>Levi crawls into Erwin’s bed and presses his face into the pillow. He breathes in the dust and dead skin cells that have been left behind, and he keeps gulping in air even though it doesn’t smell like Erwin anymore.</p>
<p>He feels Armin crawl into bed behind him. Levi shifts his knees apart, hips in the air. There are gentle fingers tracing up his sides, then back down his spine. In the cold, empty room, Levi starts to heat up. Wordlessly, Armin reaches around to his front, pops the button on Levi’s pants, and drags them over his ass and down.</p>
<p>What Levi wants is for Armin to fuck him and not be careful about it. He wants it now so the pain will make him forget, wants it rough so he can pretend it’s Erwin. He finds it in himself to feel sorry for Armin, stuck with all the work, stuck with someone too dull and colorless to pretend is Eren. Distantly, Levi thinks he got the better end of the deal. He gets to lie here and fuck Erwin’s twin, his protégé, someone so alike in looks and brains and so much fucking conviction that it makes him dizzy. Meanwhile, all Armin gets is something old and broken.</p>
<p>Armin doesn’t give him what he wants, because he’s too gentle and he’s too smart to know that what Levi wants isn’t what Levi needs. Instead, Armin strips the rest of his uniform and puts his mouth on Levi. He holds Levi open with both hands while Levi presses his gasps into the pillow under his head. Armin licks him until he’s dripping, saliva collecting around his ass and precome leaking from his cock. Levi won’t touch himself. It would be more pleasure than he deserves.</p>
<p>The tongue gets traded for some fingers. Just one at first, and then a second one when Levi barks at the kid to make it count. He works the fingers in a way that has Levi rocking back on his knees, and it reminds him of the way Erwin used to do it. Erwin would make sure to take him apart in the ways that mattered, so Levi might be rebuilt in his hands like a doll made especially for him. Not dissimilar to how all soldiers are torn down and remade to better serve their commander.</p>
<p>“Come on, kid,” Levi urges. He would have taken it without Armin’s careful prep. He would have preferred it that way. Let Armin take what he wants without sparing any mind to how it might hurt Levi. He isn’t that delicate. He drives the point home by roughly meeting the next twitch of Armin’s hand.</p>
<p>“I like it this way,” Armin says, his voice a touch or two deeper than usual. Levi doesn’t have to look behind him to know the want in Armin’s eyes when he can hear it so clearly in his tone.</p>
<p>He should be more attentive to Armin’s needs. Maybe Levi should turn around and choke himself on Armin’s cock, if only to just shut himself up and keep the sounds in. Those fingers are working inside him like Armin already knows how Levi likes it, or maybe it’s just been so long that anything feels good. Anything could mimic the phantom touch of Erwin when Levi is crying into his pillow and trying to bring him back to life for a night.</p>
<p>The fingers leave him, and the loss is almost too much to bear. It feels like forever until Armin’s gentle hands settle on his hips, and his hot, slick cock is sliding into him. Levi could sob. He wraps both arms around the pillow and juts his hips back a little farther.</p>
<p>“Levi…” Armin whispers from behind.</p>
<p>When there’s nothing left to give, Levi can feel Armin’s thighs trembling where they’re pressed together.</p>
<p>“What the hell are you holding back for?” Levi asks. If Armin wants to feel good, he should chase it. To hell with waiting for Levi to adjust. They both want it, so there’s no use denying each other.</p>
<p>“You feel good, sir,” Armin breathes, almost in awe. His hand slides up the center of Levi’s spine, but he pauses halfway. “Sorry if that was too forward.”</p>
<p>Levi sinks backward to feel the drag of the kid inside him. “Keep going.”</p>
<p>The hand on his back resumes its path upwards. Fingers card through his loose hair, and then a handful of strands is gripped tightly as Armin pulls back and thrusts inside again. Levi lets his head jerk back with a moan, his throat stretched and exposed. Armin keeps it going, with a gentle hand on his hip, a rough one in his hair, and his cock pulsing and pumping deep into Levi’s core.</p>
<p>The kid isn’t quiet. His breaths are punctuated with soft moans and gasps. Above everything else, Levi loves that maybe the most. For Armin, sex hasn’t lost its magic yet. It’s still blissful and beautiful and something that can make him blush. Levi can’t see in the dark room, not with his face pressed into the pillow, but he can imagine Armin’s cheeks and ears pink. He seems like the type.</p>
<p>Erwin never blushed, but his chest and neck would get red. Levi liked to lay next to him after it was over and watch the color slowly correct itself, fading like their heartbeats and the sweat on their skin.</p>
<p>Levi is vaguely aware that he’s whining for something, the vocalizations coming out muffled. The kid is good. Feels good. There’s power behind each thrust, concentrated and controlled. Levi wonders what it would take to loosen that control a little, or to fracture it completely. But, right now, he likes the steadiness of it. He knows when the next thrust will come, what it will feel like, and he knows that Armin is singularly focused on getting them both there, at his own pace, on his own time.</p>
<p>An arm wraps around Levi’s shoulders. It’s a strong arm, and it forces him up on his knees, away from his pillow. He’s breathing more than he’d like to, and without the cushion, his battered gasps and moans have no choice but to fill the room. Armin’s chest is against his back, his forearm like a secure harness across his heart. Armin doesn’t let him go, just holds them tightly together as his pace slows down.</p>
<p>He’s in so deep. Levi leans all of his weight back against Armin, rocking with the motion of their hips. Another hand slides down his chest and wraps around his cock, and that’s really going to be the end of him. Levi’s next sound is a whimper, and he feels hot, ragged breaths at his ear. Armin pants against his neck, then seems to forget himself, because he presses kisses all the way down to Levi’s shoulder.</p>
<p>Levi feels exposed like this, even in the dark. The back of his neck tingles like he’s a titan with a Scout at his nape. Armin’s fingers around his cock are delicate, spreading precome from the head all the way down to the base. Both of Levi’s hands come up to hold Armin’s forearm like a lifeline in the middle of the ocean. He keeps his head above water, and it’s all he has the strength to do.</p>
<p>He’s not as buoyant as he thought he’d be. Armin is moving so slowly, so deeply, touching Levi like they’ve done this a hundred times already. Inside, he feels Armin’s cock twitch. Between his legs is so slick; Armin must be wet and nearing the edge. Everything inside Levi—the pleasure and the sorrow and the utter exhaustion—coils tight and then explodes. His vision goes white in Erwin’s dark room, and for a long moment, Levi doesn’t know who’s touching him.</p>
<p>He quite literally chokes down his moan, gasping for breath. He feels his body tighten around Armin, and then there’s a sweet sound at his ear. Something Levi thinks he’d like to hear again before he comes back to his senses. This is the first time they’ve been together, so Armin doesn’t know any better when he spills inside Levi. Only Erwin knew how gross it made Levi feel, so he won’t hold it against the kid.</p>
<p>Their skin peels when they separate, like it had been trying to fuse them together while they were busy doing other things. Levi collapses onto his hands and knees and grimaces when Armin pulls out. His hole clenches around nothing before it slowly starts to retake its normal shape. Levi is tired, but he’ll have to spend at least an hour cleaning himself up after this. And Erwin’s sheets.</p>
<p>He wants to look for his pants so he doesn’t drip everywhere, but he feels Armin settle on the bed next to him and fingers close around his wrist. By now, his eyes have mostly adjusted to the dark. He can make out Armin’s silhouette among the rest of the shadows, and his eyes are eerily bright in contrast with everything else.</p>
<p>Armin kisses him. Levi is so thoroughly surprised by it that he doesn't do anything. The kid is firm but not forceful, and the give of his lips is as soft as Levi had imagined earlier. Eventually, he does close his eyes and accept the kiss as it is, and he accepts the few that follow right after. When Levi touches his face with his fingertips, he finds the skin warm. Armin lifts a hand to his face too, his thumb swiping over Levi’s wet cheek to clean it.</p>
<p>Armin sighs into the kiss, and Levi catches himself thinking about how vulnerable it makes him sound. Suddenly, he wants Armin to be happy. Levi’s kisses turn gentler, firmer, as he takes the lead, his fingers sliding back into Armin’s hair. He cups behind Armin’s head and pulls him closer. Warmth gets shared between them.</p>
<p>The gentle kisses settle his nerves rather easily, or maybe that’s just Armin. Maybe this was all Levi needed after all.</p>
<p>When they break apart, Levi stands and feels the new soreness spreading out over his muscles. No, he definitely needed to get fucked too. It’s the good kind of hurt, and maybe his body is exhausted enough to actually let him sleep later.</p>
<p>He’s grateful Armin doesn’t say anything afterward, and he doesn't seem to want Levi to say anything either. They dress silently. Armin takes his papers and leaves. Levi strips the bed.</p>
<p>When he carries the sheets out into the hallway, he gets the feeling Armin has come to obliterate his solitary routine and establish a new one entirely.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i really can't believe i've ended up here</p>
<p>
  <a href="https://twitter.com/shamu_who">my twitter!</a>
</p></blockquote></div></div>
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